Which You, are You?

Which You are YOU?

As any of you who follow my social media movements, recently Vivienne and I drove a 6200km round trip to the south of Italy and back.

While away, we visited a beach in the south of Italy and I being a bit of a People watcher was struck by the similarities in peoples behavior. The people attempting to some how be individual, yet following someone else.

It left me wondering where they find their inspiration? Who are they following?

We all do it? In some way we all mimic those we look up to. Those we wish to emulate.

We fall into a culture and begin to portray the traits of the society around us. Using the phrasing and body language of those who influence us in order to fit in and be accepted.

So which you, are you?

Over the past number of years this has been especially prevalent in men. The hipster hard man, The beard, the Skinny Jeans and the Topknot. Men following the style of Conor McGregor, even if they didn’t know it. The style mimicked by the few initially, then becoming popular.

Women and girls following the Kardashians, to the point that young girls were damaging themselves by creating a vacuum on their lips with glasses and cups to engorge their own lips to have a natural trout pout!!

So which You, are you?

Are you Robert DeNiro or Kristin Stewart?

Are you the you who is happy and confident straight from bed in the morning, happy to go about your business unshaven or without makeup. Confident and comfortable with who you are?

In your working life are you happy to take calculated risks? Willing to put yourself out there and try new things? The type of person who fails and doesn’t hold onto it or take it personally?

Are you a Kardashian?

Are you the you who needs to groom, apply makeup and wear those jeans that just make your bum look that certain way before you will even consider going to the post office or drop the kids off at school?

In your working life, stick to what you are good at, love a little bit of gossip and a bit of drama to spice up the day. Willing to try new things within reason as long as you are likely to do well. The type of person who would avoid an life changing interview if you didn't feel you looked good enough?

Are you not celebrity inclined?

Are you the type of person who quietly carries on with your own job, secretly wishing you would be promoted although can never find the motivation to apply. The type of person who can’t seem to muster the courage to throw out ideas at the brain storming sessions for fear of being shot down.

Or are you the person who can’t seem to get a break. You just float along in your own little bubble. Afraid to rock the boat, just incase.

The thing is your not alone. So many are the same. People fit securely into their own little niche.

Take the good looking girl or guy in the office that always seems to float by in life. They seem to be happy and confident, the gossip is that the boss and them have had a thing once or twice. The tiny bit of resentment through the office towards their position and climb is there but rarely mentioned. The only ones to talk of it, are the Kardashians I mentioned before.

So this happens, I know it does, the intra office affairs do go on from time to time but not all good looking people are loose and sleeping their way to the top.

So lets examine which of the people on the list these people are.

Why are they so confident and comfortable in their own skin? 

Is the truth that they are good looking and that just makes them more confident, more skilled and a better person? The truth, is Yes ….. and a big No which is in a way a Yes! Let me explain.  

Yes because maybe they haven’t faced as rejection as often, yes they have felt attractive.  

No and Yes in that often their GAP between who they are, and who they feel the world expects them to be can be significantly smaller than that of others.

They are more used to succeeding. Therefore more willing to take risks, with risk comes reward, so they excel.

Lets look at it another way.

The not fantastic looking guy you know with the super hot wife or girlfriend?

Everybody knows one.

Why does he always seem to get on in life? How has he always had luck with the girls despite looking like an extra from Lord of the Rings?

Confidence. The GAP, between who he feels he is and who he feels the world expects him to be is small. He is under no pressure to perform for the masses. Just happy being himself.

So lets go back for a second to the people I described above. The you, you and you?

Are you the You who feels you need to have perfect skin, perfect teeth and remain young for ever? The you who poses for selfies because you are in control of what others see, but hate photographs of yourself?

Are you the you who reads magazines and loves celeb gossip?

Spending your time looking at well lit and photoshopped images of beautiful, happy, confident celebrities?

Are you the you who judges photographs of yourself against what you see in magazines?

If you are anyone other than the you who doesn’t love the natural skin you walk in, you need to look a little deeper.

We are all influenced by the world around us. Where you find your influence and inspiration is your choice. How you present yourself to the world is your choice. 

If you feel like you are failing as a human, remember all of the things you do day to day. You are living, that makes you successful. 

How you choose to walk in the skin you wear is your decision. Why not embrace it? What other choice do you have?

What is it about being photographed that makes us so uncomfortable?

What  is it about being photographed that makes us so uncomfortable?

Okay so here it is. From a headshot photographer to every one of you. Here is why you feel so uncomfortable in front of a camera. 

There is a number of facets to being photographed that makes feel the way we feel when being photographed.  One of which is when you look in the mirror, you localise your vision to eyebrows, mouth or whatever else your working on in the mornings. The thing is your looking at yourself backwards. So from the get go, your seeing yourself wrong. 

When we look at a photograph of ourselves, we see what others see..... with a twist. 

What's the twist? Well, we live in a fault based society and are natural problem solvers. When something doesn't add up, we search for answers. So when you see a photograph of yourself, it is the wrong way round. Instantly your brain searches for an answer to why it looks wrong. So your eyes search your face for things that look wrong

Thats when we see things we don't like. Things that stand out when you see your face the other way round. For me, One side of my mouth is lower than the other. These things are our FedEx arrow. 
 

The FedEx Arrow is in the logo. Between the E and X. One of those things we don't see until we are shown. Now, knowing it is there, when we see the FedEx van drive by, the first thing we look at is the logo.

In many ways this logo is representative of how we see ourselves and how others see us. 

Nobody looks at the arrow directly, most don't even know it's there. All they see is the word FedEx, The see a brand, they understand who FedEx are. The same as when we look at each other. We see familiar faces. Not the minute flaws we see in ourselves. 

So when you see a photograph of yourself, yes you are seeing what others see, but you are focused on your own arrow, the one thing hidden that nobody else sees. 

This is one of the main reasons people don't like to be photographed and something we use when shooting headshots. Understanding this, and expression changes how people see themselves, feel about themselves and starts to help them enjoy and own their own experience. 

Look out for my next blog post on Confidence and how our image and self perception relates, and can hold us back or give us the strength to succeed. 

What does your inner lion look like?

What does your inner lion look like?

What is perfect?

How am I supposed to look?

What do others see?

We have the unenviable and impossible task as humans in modern times to decide who we are and how we are supposed to look, act and feel.

 Told continuously by advertising that we have to be tanned, toned with white teeth. Aging is just something to be avoided at all cost.

To avoid aging we need to have cosmetic surgery, we need to dye hair, and bleach teeth.

 The human brain is hardwired for survival. Survival of the body it is contained within, and also the DNA it carries.

 Survival of the fittest is something that is encrusted on our DNA. We need to carry on our species. We need to pass our genetics, our knowledge and our lineage to a new healthier, stronger and reproductively successful offspring.

 How do we do that? We do that by being attractive to prospective mates

Again How?

 By displaying strength, by showing we can reproduce, we can provide food, safety and shelter. By showing that we can not only reproduce but we can produce genetically strong offspring with a viable chance of continuing on our lineage.

 Yeah John, Thanks for the Science lesson, but what has this got to do with me? What has it to do with how I see myself?

 For thousands of years, mankind has faced the challenges of being human. Being faced with challenges of finding the food, the shelter and the mate. We are no different in that respect now. Although the form of the challenges we face have morphed somewhat.

 Think of Lions in Africa. The male Lion, The bigger, the more powerful and the stronger his mature mane is, the more likely he is to be the king of the pride and mate with the females. Producing strong cubs. When challenged he will fight to show his power and dominance.

 Now what if those Lions had technology. What if a challenging Lion was shown to him, a weaker, smaller Lion, with a patchy mane of weak hair.

In real life he would not pose a threat, he would not to the females look like a more dominant or better suited mate.

Now what if the weaker lion was photoshopped in the same way we see images in the media of celebs, models and actors as the ad man tries to sell us something?

 What if his mane was fluffed up and the holes filled? What if his body was beefed up and his lines strengthened in the same way retouchers do for ad campaigns.? What if the scars on his face and body from fighting were taken away in the same way skin is retouched.?Making him look flawless and perceptively perfect.

 Now how does the dominant Lion feel.? How does he feel staring at the unobtainable level of perfection he is now faced with?

 Now what if the Lion was shown himself? The same powerful Lion who is in real life more powerful and dominant than any other. The real King of the Jungle. But now he sees his scars, his wounds, his injuries from defending his position. Measured against the perfection of his prospective competition?

 Now put yourself in the place of the lion.

 Your beautiful face. Perfectly you, the gateway to your psyche, the smile, the eyes and the features that were perfect to you as a child, the you who would as a child kiss and play with the reflection that fascinated you as a child.

 The face that your parents, brothers, sisters, cousins and kids adore.

 That face that you are measuring against what you see in magazines and on television. The actors and models who have spent hours in a makeup chair before being filmed or photographed under lights specifically designed to make them look their best.

 Then you who sees something different in photographs. See this blog post to understand that whole psychological mess………

 These are who you are measuring yourself against as prospective opposition for partners. These are who your brain is pitting you against.

 Their retouched beauty, their perfect makeup, their big houses, fast cars. Frivolous lifestyles. Some of them making money from seemingly worthless talents or lifestyles, while you slave with calloused hands to feed and shelter your family. 

 Sometimes we lose sight of ourselves in our photographs because we are muddied by what we see elsewhere.

 Your Lion or Lioness is great, It may not be the retouched false and unobtainable Lion in the magazines you read or the television shows you watch.

 But your Lion is successful. Your lion feeds you and your family. Provides shelter, Laughter and care. Your Lion teaches the kids how to read, write and become adults and parents themselves.

 How to be responsible and successful, how to identify dangers and opportunity.

 You are the king of your own Jungle. Sometimes you just need to remember it. 

Good Image, Good for Esteem, Good for Business

Good Image, Good for Esteem, Good for Business

Physiology:

 All animal physiology, including human physiology, dictates the peramiters we use for understanding, learning, growth and survival of our species and genetic lines. 

These factors drive our behavior in the same way now, as it did thousands of years ago. 

We live our lives in search of shelter, food and water, a prospective mate who can provide healthy offspring, and grow them to maturity. We still now, like then are in constant competition to attract that mate, based on intelligence, strength and health. 

The main difference now, is that instead of hunting and foraging our food, we work to earn money to provide food and shelter. Our competition is no longer just those around us, we now compete with others worldwide, with an expectation that we need to look like and gain the wealth of those in the media and advertisements. 

Sociology:

We live in a fault based society. We are thought from a very young age, to seek out our imperfections, to find where we fall down in order to do better. 

This is not only something that effects our behavior, but our image. 

 How does any of this have relevance to having a good headshot? More than you would think actually. 

 Image:

 We rely on our image to communicate for us. Our image, tells prospective mates, who we are, we are healthy, we are fertile. In business, it tells prospective clients, we are confident, we are healthy enough to be around in 6 months, we take ourselves seriously enough to invest in our image.

 Psychologically our image is so important to us, it spurs us to follow trends, to invest in products in order to make ourselves the best candidate for a job, a contract or for a partner.

 We follow what advertisers tell us, what we need to invest in to be the most beautiful we can be. To be the thinnest, to have the healthiest hair, to have the nicest clothes and to be our most beautiful. 

 Self Image:

 When we look in the mirror, we see who we recognize as ourselves. In most cases, we localize our vision to the part of the face we are tending to. The eyebrows, eyes, teeth etc. So we never really see the full picture.

 When we see photographs of ourselves, our brain searches for a reason why, this photograph does not look like the person we know from the mirror, the person we know as ourselves. 

 This is where we find our faults and our physical imperfections . Things that may be visible only to us because of our own inner critic, but not visible to others. 

 In the same way as the Arrow in the FedEx logo, or the bear in the Toblerone Logo.

Once you see them, they are the first thing you see every time you look. 

 This critique of our minor imperfections, the things we see in a frozen still image of our own faces. 

 Tiny imperfections magnified by our own physiological need to understand why we look different to the mirror, shroud the fact that in life, we are not frozen still. 

 We are animated, as we go through our day we as a reflex use facial expression to communicate. Expression that not only hides the minute imperfections we bare, but share, without words how we feel and act. 

 So then, there is a difference in what we see in the mirror and what others see in real life. The Gap.

 For some, this Gap is small, for some, there is no end in sight. 

 So if the difference in how we think we look, and how we think the world expects us to look. The models, Hollywood actors and celebs. How then does this affect our level of self acceptance? Our level of self esteem? How does that reflect on that Gap, in who we feel we are, and who we feel the world expects us to be?

 What effect does that Gap in your sense of Self image and Self Acceptance have on your own sense of social entitlement? Where you feel you belong in the world. 

Professionally:

So using physiology to understand, we use shapes as communication. The shapes we determine as words, objects and people. 

For years companies have used images, shapes and logos as their brand identity. Now, with the advent and effective globalisation of social media, we, the people are now brands, both individually and as a representative of our companies and employers. 

Where before we used shapes, images, logos and colours as a brand identify, now, a mere google search shows us the faces of the people behind the walls. When we see people like Mark Zuckerberg, we don't think Mark Zuckerberg, we think Facebook. When we see images of Steve Jobs, we think Apple.

How is your brand represented in the images of you and your co-workers?

Your Digital Brand:

Now, where before, we were anonymous to a point, we are instantly accessible by a quick search. We actively share our life with others, through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Linkedin. 

So what does your digital brand say about you? What is your Logo? 

Is yours a selfie? Is it a photograph of you drunk at a party? Your Dog or Cat? Your Kids?

Or, does your profile show Credibility?, showing it is a real profile, up to date and not spam.

Has it got Visibility? Profiles with good images are 40 times more likely to be viewed

Has it got Recognition? Will people who recognise you or know you click on it? Old school friends and work colleagues.

Has it got Personal appeal? People like to do business with other people. Does your image have approachability, show confidence and professionalism? 

On your companies website, do you use headshots of the staff, directors and partners?

If you do, are they uniform? Uniformity, shows consistency, non uniform panels of images suggest you don't know what it is you will receive as a service. It could be the professional approachable first guy, or the sloppy guy with the selfie down the end.

Having a Good headshot, closes that Gap in what you think you look like, and what others think you look like. That gap between who you feel you are, and who others expect you to be. 

Focusing more on expression and substance over surface. 

How you walk in the skin you wear is your choice. Why not embrace it? What other choice do we have?

Self Image and the Self Acceptance Gap

Self Image and the Self Acceptance Gap

Residual Self image is a concept that individuals think of themselves as projecting a certain physical appearance, or a certain position of social entitlement or lack there of. 

The term was first used as early as 1968, but popularised by The Matrix Movie series, where a person who existed in a digitally created world, subconsciously maintain the physical appearance that they had become accustomed to projecting. In essence, seeing themselves in the digital world, as they see themselves in real life.

So, if this were to be true, if you were to be projected or represented in The Matrix or in a digital way, how would you project yourself?

Would the image you see in the digital world be:

Your mirrored image, what you are greeted with when you look in the mirror with no elaborate flaws? or, would it be what you see in photographs, often with your flaws magnified and highlighted (See Fedex term in post below). Your aging, wrinkles, heavy eyelids or discoloured or broken teeth? 

Or, would you see what everyone else sees? Would you see everyone else with their flaws magnified from their own self perception?

How would your Social Position and Entitlements be represented?

Would you Own It? Be confident and grounded, happy to be visible?

Would you Pose? Become something other than yourself?

Would you Diminish? Shy away from challenges and responsibility and become smaller?

or maybe Avoid? Would you avoid representation or don't like the concept of seeing yourself?

In many ways, how you see yourself is similar to how many of us are in life. We either 

Own it!

Pose!

Diminish!

Avoid!

This is "The Gap" in your own self acceptance. The difference between who you feel you are, and who you feel the world expects you to be. The bigger the difference, the more likely you are to have a poor self image, and poor belief in your social entitlements and position. 

"How you choose to walk in the skin you wear is your choice, why not embrace it. What other choice do you have?"

Peter Hurley 2014

5 Reasons for a Professional Linkedin Headshot

5 Reasons for a Professional Linkedin Headshot

 

Why Profile Head Shot Photos Are Necessary

I've observed five important reasons to have a good head shot photo visible on your profiles:

1. Credibility

To be successful today, most professional jobs require knowledge and skill with social media. Profiles without photos are usually either not very active or just plain out-of-date. And, very few employers want to hire someone who is so demonstrably clueless.

In addition, many "spam" social profiles exist to sell products or services or to collect information. Those fake profiles usually either have no photo or the photo is obviously a model or someone extremely attractive in a very professional-looking photo. Recruiters, in particular, don't want to waste their time with fictional people.

2. Recognition

Someone who already knows you from your past, other social media, or a recent networking meeting will, hopefully, recognize that photo and know who you are. Also, that friend from your last job (or the job before that) who is looking for you will find you in the long list of people who have the same -- or a very similar -- name.

3. Consistency

Someone who follows you in other social networks will find, and probably follow, you in new social networks. So, the reach of your social media visibility will be expanded and connected, and your "social proof" will be strengthened.

4. Personal Appeal

Any profile is more appealing when a person's face is associated with it. LinkedIn has said that entries in LinkedIn search results with photos beside them are seven times more likely to be clicked than entries without photos. So, that recruiter looking for someone with your job title will probably not click on your name unless there is a photo beside it in the search results listings.

5. Personal Branding

When used with your professional activities in social media, your photo represents your brand -- your personal logo -- particularly when you use the same photo for all of your professional social visibility.

What Makes a Successful Profile Photo

LinkedIn has specific requirements, so I recommend starting with LinkedIn. Then, as recommended above, use that photo for your other professional social profiles. The LinkedIn User Agreement specifies that members should NOT, "Upload a profile image that is not your likeness or a head shot photo." Pretty clear.

Be choosy when selecting the photo to use for your professional social profiles. For most of us, that means:

• Use a head shot photo of yourself, not something or someone else.
• The image should be recognizably you.
• The pose should be relatively "grown-up" -- not mugging for the camera.
• Use a photo with a relatively business-like pose.
• No pets or children or other distractions should be in the photo.

For more, read LinkedIn's Profile Photo Guidelines and Conditions. Note that they may remove non-compliant photos, and they limit the number of times you can attempt to use non-compliant images. 

Bottom Line

A professional social profile without a nice head shot photo of you hurts you much more than the lack of one helps you find a job or avoid discrimination. So, don't skip it.

*** Source Huffington post****

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-p-joyce/5-reasons-you-must-have-a_b_5390858.html

Body Image and Esteem

Body Image and Esteem

 As kids we are excited by our reflection, often you will see babies and toddlers kissing and playing with their reflection in the mirror.

 When does this fade? At what point does this become Not Okay?

 10,000 people every month Google “Am I Ugly?” Thousands of young people have uploaded videos to Youtube asking am I pretty or am I ugly. 

 With Social media, we are immediately available to the rest of the world. We look constantly at the moments in others lives they feel are worth sharing. We have no concept of what is digitally manipulated and what is not. No grasp of what is a highlight and what is in a normal daily context. 

 We are basing our happiness on the frequency of these highlighted moments in our lives, searching for likes and assuming the beach shot, party, happy people we see in our friends photographs is their lives. In some way better than yours. 

 We are living in an image obsessed culture.  Judging our looks, weight and style on those we see in the media. Those promoting 6 pack abs and muscle or women promoting #ProAna or #ProSizeZero and #ThighGap

So what is the effect of this?

 6/10 girls are now chosing not to do something because they think they don’t look good enough. These are not trivial activities, they are activities fundamental to their development as humans and contributors to society and the workplace. 

 31% of teenagers are withdrawing from classroom debate and contribution because they do not want to draw attention to the way they look with 20% not turning up to school on days they don’t feel good about it.

 When it comes to exams, if you don’t think you look good enough, specifically if you don’t think you are thin enough, you will score a lower grade average than peers not concerned with weight.

 These figures are from in studies across Finland, United States, China and Australia with further studies being conducted and are true regardless of how much you weigh.

 So to be clear, we are talking about the way you think you look, not how you actually look. Residual Self Image.

 Low body confidence is undermining academic achievement. 

 It is also damaging to health. Individuals with lower levels of self acceptance, are more likely to:

·      Consume illegal drugs, 

·      Higher alcohol intake, 

·      More susceptible to self harm, 

·      Eat less healthy foods such as fruit and vegetables, 

·      More likely to crash diet, 

·      Higher instances of depression and poor mental health. 

·      Perform less physical activity, 

·      More likely to seek and have cosmetic surgery, 

·      Develop eating disorders such as Anorexia and Bulimia

·      Suffer with low self esteem. 

 Women who think they are overweight, regardless of if they are or not have higher rates of absenteeism. 17% of women in a recent study said they would not show up to a job interview on a day they were not feeling confident in they way they look.

 Have a think about that from an Economic stand point. In your own life, or your own business. How much is lost in man hours per year, how often have you had days where you just couldn’t stand to go in, based on how you feel you look or your sense of where you belong. 

 Think about your own body confidence, or how people in your own life who you feel could do more if they had better body confidence. Those people who you know could reach their potential if they had a bit more self belief, or saw themselves how others see them. 

So when is the last time you felt happy enough with what you saw in the mirror to kiss it?

How you choose to walk in the skin you wear is your decision, why not embrace it? 

What other choice do you have?

5 tips for the best Headshot

5 tips for the best Headshot

5 Tips for the Best Headshot

• Meet your Photographer, Make sure you like their work and will be happy to spend time with them.

• Bring Clothes you feel great in. If you don't like it or don't feel great in it, don't bring it. If you feel great, you will look great.

• Expression, Expression, Expression. Be open to letting your photographer bring your personality out. Be Approachable, Confident and Own your Experience. 

• Be real, No false tan, no heavy makeup and no false eyelashes, Don't pluck the life out of your eyebrows or come in with sunburn. 

• Shoot in Colour, Especially for Actors and Models. If casting agents can't tell what colour your skin tones and hair are, you won't get booked. 

What do you really look like?

What do you really look like?

As humans we form understanding from shapes. We understand familiar shapes and relate them to functions and to language. This is true of the face too.

I remember as a child being fascinated by a blind boy in my area, who was able to recognize people by feeling their faces. Years later I found out that sighted people do the same thing. We recognize people by the individual shapes of the face.

Your face is a mosaic, a series of small parts, all a reflection of those who came before you, your mothers nose, your fathers bone structure and your grandmothers eyes. All things that help people who know you identify where you come from and who you are.

Why would anybody want to change that?

The answer is both simple and very complex at the same time.

The complicated side of the coin is that we all have a GAP between who we think we are and who we think the world expects us to be. A difference in what we think we look like and what we think others see.

When we look at magazines and see celebrities looking happy, confident and well put together, we think that is what the world expects from us, yet when we see poorly lit photographs of ourselves, we notice the things on our face we don’t like.

That brings us to the simple side of the coin. That simple reason we hate ourselves in photographs. The Mirror effect and the FEDEX arrow.

 The Mirror Effect: When you see yourself day in day out, you see yourself in the mirror. This from the time we were children is how we see ourselves, this is what we think we look like.

As you do whatever it is your daily routine requires, brushing teeth, trimming eyebrows or beards, shaving or applying makeup, you localize your vision to the part of the face you are working on, The eyes, the nose or the mouth. Very rarely do we see the whole picture.

Not only do we look at localized parts of the face, we also animate our face, so things move and are reshaped in order to do what ever we are doing. Pulling the skin to shave, pouting lips to apply lipstick etc.

So how does this make me hate myself in photos?

What you see in the mirror is actually wrong. The you in the mirror is the wrong way round.

When you see a photograph of yourself, you see what others see… but with a difference. When you see a photograph, your brain tells you something is different.

As a human, we are thought from a young age to identify things that are wrong, things that are different in order to understand. When we see photographs of ourselves, because it is different, our brain wants to know why.

So we search this inanimate image, that doesn’t move, that doesn’t change to find something that will explain what is wrong. This is where we find our FEDEX arrow.

We have all seen the FEDEX logo, but very few people have seen the arrow.

(Between the E and X)

We use the FEDEX logo as an example because of the behavior it provokes when you see the arrow for the first time. Once you see it, it cannot be unseen. It becomes the first thing you see when you look at the logo.

This is like your face. It’s like every face.

Empathy is another key to understanding how we feel. The word Empathy comes from the Greek word Empatheria which means to “Feel Into” or feeling what you are feeling.

When we see somebody happy, we mimic their movements and behaviour and in turn, feel happy.
When they are sad, we mimic them and feel sad.
When they are uncomfortable, we feel uncomfortable. Which is why when we see a photograph of ourselves feeling uncomfortable. We feel that way again and again.

You see every face in the world has differences.

Look at mine. I have:

·      1 ear lower than the other.

·      Chunk missing from Right ear

·      Hair follicle on tip of my nose

·      Hair follicle between eyebrows

·      Heavy Right eyelid

·      Scar on left side of my chin

Yet none of these are the thing I see first in photographs. What I see first is that the left side of my mouth is slightly lower than the right. The funny thing is, I am the only person who sees it.

I have been together with my wife for years, and only recently when I pointed out the chunk missing from my ear did she notice it.

We all have differences in our face. Both eyes are different shapes, both ears are different levels, both nostrils are different sizes and shapes. Yet not one of us walk around concentrating on the differences on other peoples faces. We do however see our own.

So what does this mean? It means that it is ok to have these things going on.

It means that you are the exact same as everyone else. You are as messed up as everyone else in the room and nobody has noticed.

Which is why plastic surgery causes me concern. Concern that nobody is telling people that despite seeing these things in photographs, celebrities and the people we see looking amazing in photographs under great light, with perfect makeup, who have been tutored on how to stand and look, still have to resort to spending money and suffering pain to destroy the canvas and the mosaic of those who came before them. The nose, the mouth and the eyes of those they loved and adored as children.

Courtney Cox 2015 courtesy of Getty

People spend so much time worrying about how they look in photographs that they become stressed before being photographed. Which then comes across in the images.

All because they are looking at the wrong things. 

Learn to see yourself as you really are. Learn to see others. We spend so much time telling children that it is what is on the inside that counts, only to forget that it applies to us the same.

How you choose to walk in the skin you wear is your choice. Why not embrace it? What other choice do you have?

Social Media and You

Social Media and You

When did being You stop being good enough?

When did being You, mean you were less important than others?

When did You become boring, with a less exciting life than others?

And when did we all suddenly have to compete with the rich and famous?

Social media has brought about the idea that we need to sensationalise everything we do. Massive highs, and incredible lows, just to share what is happening in our day to day lives.

Almost every person in the world goes about their life, their predominantly uneventful life. The same decisions on what to wear in the morning, the same commute to work, the same job, with the same people and then home to the same house, same family and same friends.

This mundane existence only interrupted by the occasional holiday, the weekend off, spending time with the family or friends. Enjoying the fruits of your efforts.

When did this stop being enough?

There has always for most been a slight jealousy at those around us. The friend with the better looking boyfriend or girlfriend, the better job or the nicer car.

For so many years, this type of jealousy was pretty harmless, as long as they didn’t rub their lifestyles in your face.

Now with the effective globalization of social media, that small group of friends, the small window into the lives of others has pretty much consumed us.

Surrounded constantly by images of the sensational in other peoples lives. We are forced to see both the ridiculously extravagant lifestyles of the rich and famous and the horrendous conditions those less fortunate in third world countries endure.

What’s wrong with that? you might ask.

SENSATIONALISM. This belief that we have to live a life as exciting and as indulged as celebrities, we have to look like they do, dress like them and have as many holidays as they do.

We live in a fault based society, as children we are thought to seek out our imperfections and where we fail in order to improve.

We look at the lives we see on social media, and forget who we are,  what we have achieved, looking on as we see what we perceive as normality and what we imagine our lives should be.

People all over the world, running themselves into debt, spending money they don’t have to have the latest phone, the nicest shoes and the holidays they see in magazines and on twitter.

The Gap of Self Acceptance, your sense of social entitlement and position is ever growing. That difference in who you think you are and who you think the world expects you to be. Ever widening. Causing stress, depression and anxiety.

People complaining they cannot afford the school books for their kids, or to pay the bills, yet still managing to have 2 cars and 4 family holidays a year. Justifying the actions because they needed a break or they work hard and deserve to have nice things.

The lesson in all of this?

Remember, behind every social media account, even the ones of the Kardashians, and the people who profess to be happy, there are arguments, there are illnesses and stresses. They may be different in ways than some of the stresses you as a normal 9 to 5 human being face, but they suffer in the same way.

I was told once by an old photographer, something that has stuck with me for a very long time.

Photographs catch the highs and the lows. The holidays and the parties, they even capture the worst moments in humanity. What’s important and is the measure of a good life, is what happens between the photographs. That’s were family is made.

How you choose to walk in the skin you wear is your choice. Why not embrace it.